I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fuck appropriateness.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
