He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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