tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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