I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
