in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
