Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
