I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
