I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
