I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
