When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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