im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
