Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
