If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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