I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
