i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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