are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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