I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
