But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
