I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
