We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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