peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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