video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
