just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
