Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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