shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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