Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
