At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
