can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
