I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
