one two three fourrrrnication!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The Olympian is in my bed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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