You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
