She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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