dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
