a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
