yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
