So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
