I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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