all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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