i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
