So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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