I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
