Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
