i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
