Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
