The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
