If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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