the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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