we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
