I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
