Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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