When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
