I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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