This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Life is so much better after having sex.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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